blessings.

Psalm 37:4 says, "Delight yourself in the Lord..."

I recently got a new camera (a Nikon D3100, to be exact) and I delight in taking pictures.

 More than that, I delight in a sky opening up so the light God created can be seen.

  I delight in Sarah's genuine laugh.

  I delight in my sister seeking out the will of God, even if it's not what she desired or asked for.

 I delight in the thoughtfulness of a bamboo plant for my pandas who can't eat.

 I delight in the sun setting after a day of earnest prayer.

 I delight in the most precious, radiant boy I've come to know.

I delight in the fragile heart and body of a brother who is ten years younger than I.

 James 1:17 says, "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, who does not change like shifting shadows."

I find great joy in the work of my Maker, and it's an easy discovery of wonder; the taste of peach, the smell of the new born day, the saltiness of a conversation. All gifts from above; the cry of a baby, the laugh of a grandmother, the joy of a graduate. All gifts from above. My scales are slowly falling from the pit of complaints and mumblings (although, I mumble a lot, I can't help it :). I have had my revelation of Christ and I have realized how kind my God is to give a gift such as His Son, but that my God doesn't stop there - everything He's created is mine; I am co-heirs with the Almighty. My heart rings with thanksgiving for the good, and perfect gifts He's given. The gifts of a steadfast community, of an incredibly loving relationship, of a beautifully broken family, of the sounds of birds and trials of life. When I'm delighted in the Lord, though, my desires are not mine. They are for a greater cause, they are for a coming King, they are heaven bound. And when my sights are set on the joy, and glory before me,

...He will give you the desires of your heart."

in between.

I find myself always starting with Psalms; they're just so good.

Psalm 139:2,3,7-9,16 says,
"You know when I set down and when I rise up; you descern my thoughts from far away.
You search our my path and my lying down, and are acquainted with all my ways.
Where can I go from your spirit? Or where can I flee from your presence?
If I acsend to heaven, you are there; if I make my bed in Sheol, you are there.
If I take the wings of the morning and settle at the farthest limits of the sea,
even there your right hand shall hold me fast.

Your eyes beheld my unformed substance.
In Your book were written all the days that were formed for me, when none of them as yet existed."

My dad and I live at home, in a home where four used to live. My heart aches for the family I knew, but I embrace the challenges of starting anew. The quiet moments of being alone have left my thoughts aloft, and free to think aloud. They've been both lovely and frightening. In one instant I feel in control, alive, free; openly inviting warmth into my fragile bones. In the next I feel scared, lost, confused; lies scream at my insecurities ripping me apart. I have yet to master this internal battle, but I do say with great confidence it's becoming easier. On a gorgeous Michigan day I awoke from a nap and felt trapped inside myself; it came suddenly as most of these episodes do. Isn't it odd how our ribs, our lungs, the beating of our heart can sometimes feel to be working against us instead of for us? I felt suffacated in my own household, I felt abandoned, I felt as though I was the only one on this Earth of six billion humans. I sat outside, hoping the sun rays or a breeze, or the sounds of other people would calm my soul; I prayed. No, I talked to the air hoping someone would listen. He did. He gave me the words above, and out of that came these thoughts:

Days that were formed for me.
You formed this day FOR me.
You've given me this day, today, right now.
To rejoice, to sing, to give thanks, to cry before Him.
Even when I feel isolated, or alone, He's with me because
He's created me.
He sees me, He realizes the delicacy of who I am, He intimately knows all my ways.
He's fashioned this trembling body together.
He's whispered sweet truths in my ear.
He's forever been and will be my God.
I love you, Lord.

waiting.

Psalm 27:14 says, "Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!"

The beautiful thing about waiting on the Lord is that there is an end and purpose to it all. He doesn't cause us to wait upon Him for His selfish pleasure but rather, He is taking time to work out perfectly the places in our heart we never knew we had. The God of the Universe is calling us to trust in Him, the Him who created the heavens and the earth, the Him who sent is one and only, the Him who is certainly worthy of trust. The Father of our Lord Jesus Christ is attempting to give us little kisses from heaven if we would just wait.
"So, we do not lose heart. Even though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed day by day. for this slight momentary affliction is preparing us for an eternal weight of glory beyond all measure, because we look not at what can be seen but at what cannot be seen; for what can be seen is temporary, but what cannot be seen is eternal." - 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
Renewal day by day is what the walk with the Lord is. Day by day, allowing Him to cleanse all the unrighteousness, all the lies, all the false pretenses, all the selfishness within me to prepare me. Day by day, knowing He not only holds me, but He delicately knows and believes in me. How could I not wait on a Lord like that?
Promises are almost a promised let down because promises made by humans will fail, but when God promises to work all things for the good of those who love Him, when He promises that the plans He has for His children are more than we could ever ask or imagine, when He promises that He has our absolute best in mind - He follows through. Until the very end.

my flesh is scared. my flesh wonders. my flesh fights for it's own way,
but my spirit calms, my spirit sighs relief, my spirit waits.
"...the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." - Jesus.

the beginning.

Psalm 26:4 says, "One thing I asked of the Lord, that will I seek after: to live in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to inquire in his temple."
There was a man who existed more than 2,000 years ago. I'm beginning to know the lines on His face, and the hope in His heart. I'm beginning to see the patience that ensues within Him, and the love that goes beyond any depth we know. I'm just starting to understand His incredible lack of self, and I'm barely able to crawl in the steps of His life, and all of this is only by His grace. I'm an infant in my faith, but by that small faith, He's growing me. This man still roams in the valleys where you feel alone, He still soars on the mountains you believe were your own, He's the hope in the eyes of addicts and the compassion that penetrates in the hearts of murderers. He existed more than 2,000 years ago but I tell you the truth, He still lives.
It's been an immeasurable adventure accepting Jesus Christ into my life, allowing Him to be the pitval point of all my decisions and choices. It's been frightening and lovely to have my heart revealed by Him to me; what murky waters it has. It's been exceptional to give my life for a being far greater than my own, and He has given so many enriched moments that I could not ask or imagine for. He said in Ezekiel 36:26 that "A new heart I will give you, and a new spirit I will put within you; and I will remove from your body the heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh."
He's done that,
won't you join me on this blessed journey?