in between.

I find myself always starting with Psalms; they're just so good.

Psalm 139:2,3,7-9,16 says,
"You know when I set down and when I rise up; you descern my thoughts from far away.
You search our my path and my lying down, and are acquainted with all my ways.
Where can I go from your spirit? Or where can I flee from your presence?
If I acsend to heaven, you are there; if I make my bed in Sheol, you are there.
If I take the wings of the morning and settle at the farthest limits of the sea,
even there your right hand shall hold me fast.

Your eyes beheld my unformed substance.
In Your book were written all the days that were formed for me, when none of them as yet existed."

My dad and I live at home, in a home where four used to live. My heart aches for the family I knew, but I embrace the challenges of starting anew. The quiet moments of being alone have left my thoughts aloft, and free to think aloud. They've been both lovely and frightening. In one instant I feel in control, alive, free; openly inviting warmth into my fragile bones. In the next I feel scared, lost, confused; lies scream at my insecurities ripping me apart. I have yet to master this internal battle, but I do say with great confidence it's becoming easier. On a gorgeous Michigan day I awoke from a nap and felt trapped inside myself; it came suddenly as most of these episodes do. Isn't it odd how our ribs, our lungs, the beating of our heart can sometimes feel to be working against us instead of for us? I felt suffacated in my own household, I felt abandoned, I felt as though I was the only one on this Earth of six billion humans. I sat outside, hoping the sun rays or a breeze, or the sounds of other people would calm my soul; I prayed. No, I talked to the air hoping someone would listen. He did. He gave me the words above, and out of that came these thoughts:

Days that were formed for me.
You formed this day FOR me.
You've given me this day, today, right now.
To rejoice, to sing, to give thanks, to cry before Him.
Even when I feel isolated, or alone, He's with me because
He's created me.
He sees me, He realizes the delicacy of who I am, He intimately knows all my ways.
He's fashioned this trembling body together.
He's whispered sweet truths in my ear.
He's forever been and will be my God.
I love you, Lord.