on repeat.

breathe. hope. trust.
breathe. hope. trust.
breathe. hope. trust.
breathe. hope. trust.
breathe. hope. trust.
breathe. hope. trust.
breathe. hope. trust.
breathe. hope. trust.
breathe. hope. trust.
breathe. hope. trust.
breathe. hope. trust.
breathe. hope. trust.
breathe. hope. trust.
breathe. hope. trust.
breathe. hope. trust.

you get it.

praise.

im anxious to go, but i don't want to stay. i want to travel, but i don't know where to go. i'm restless, but need rest. i'm out of breath, and catching it. i'm letting go, just to hold on. i'm being relieved, to be challenged again.
it's the contradictions of this life i struggle with the most. this perfect balance jesus found, i'm still looking for; the magnificent peace of his love, i'm still being completed by; the beauty of his hope, im still praying to see clearly. life has this way of catching me off guard, and it's only when i'm blindsided that i see.
i took communion this sunday, and i whispered to my lord - 'it's by your blood, i breathe; it's by your body, i live; it's because of your sacrifice, i know the fullness of each day and it's because of your love, i am revived.'
in each quiet moment with my savior, balance is found.
it's my squinting eyes in the morning waking to new mercies.
it's the security jesus chooses to wrap me in when i'm embraced.
it's the windows down singing freely to the enriched unseen.
it's the shadows leaping off of trees onto the sidewalk.
it's the conversations over breakfast.
it's the old man's passion learned over years.
it's the phone calls made just to hear a voice.

these are the places my balance is found,
and i can't help but thank the god who has called me.

lose your mind if you lose control.

dad, i surrendered you today.

i don't know how i thought a daughter's love could change a man, i'm imperfect and delicate. 

god isn't; he's honest and he honestly sees you,

maybe that's why you won't look back at him.

even my best efforts, on my most lovely day couldn't sway the way you live,

i'm sorry if i ever let you down, i'm sorry if i skewed the image of eternity for you.

it was just a matter of time before

i realized you weren't ever mine to take care of,

i took the place of a father who knows you intimately, who believes in you truly.

does that scare you?

someone knowing all your secrets you've been harboring, 

someone distinctly seeing the formation of the distorted thoughts in your mind,

someone discerning the motives within you, even when they're dark and wrong,

someone waiting for a confession that may never come;

because you're your own worst enemy.

facing yourself would mean change; change is vital for growth.

you never told me you were done growing.

this isn't because of mom, or because of what you haven't told me,

this is because i love you, with a love i can't even comprehend.

i'm not running away, or escaping;

i'm just surrendering.

always, em.