dad, i surrendered you today.
i don't know how i thought a daughter's love could change a man, i'm imperfect and delicate.
god isn't; he's honest and he honestly sees you,
maybe that's why you won't look back at him.
even my best efforts, on my most lovely day couldn't sway the way you live,
i'm sorry if i ever let you down, i'm sorry if i skewed the image of eternity for you.
it was just a matter of time before
i realized you weren't ever mine to take care of,
i took the place of a father who knows you intimately, who believes in you truly.
does that scare you?
someone knowing all your secrets you've been harboring,
someone distinctly seeing the formation of the distorted thoughts in your mind,
someone discerning the motives within you, even when they're dark and wrong,
someone waiting for a confession that may never come;
because you're your own worst enemy.
facing yourself would mean change; change is vital for growth.
you never told me you were done growing.
this isn't because of mom, or because of what you haven't told me,
this is because i love you, with a love i can't even comprehend.
i'm not running away, or escaping;
i'm just surrendering.
always, em.
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