admiration.

In Song of Songs, the beloved finds pleasure in her lover,

she says he is this and this and this to her.

One of the girls in my DTS said my Lover is a jazz song, another said He's a sunset.

This is my list of what my Lover is to me, how I know He's cradling me:

an open fire on a snowy day. an orchestra full of melodies. the breeze of the pacific ocean. the window down on a road trip in the summer. the solitude of absolute silence. a roller coaster ride. the first day of fall. the celebration of life, after one has died. the discovery of new places. the return to old ones. pure freedom. the squeeze of a little one's hug. a letter full of imagery and truth. the feeling of a getting to the top of a mountain. a good book. an acoustic song. the magnitude of a sky full of stars and realizing how small you are. the smile spread or breath taken after a good cry. my grandma's fingers running through my hair. a really honest, loving prayer. surprises. the moment your abs hurt from laughing so hard. the wonder after finding out the person who you like likes you, too. good, full conversations over coffee or dinner. driving at night and listening to your thoughts. that first drink of water after being thirsty for a long time and you feel it spill over your stomach. the minute you admit you're wrong and the other person doesn't rub it in your face, and just hugs you. believing you're pretty. being wrapped in a blanket on a saturday morning. seeing the poverty of this world but knowing there is hope. when the air is so cold, my boogers freeze. being able to help other see Your love, and witnessing their eyes going "OH!". the suspense in a romantic comedy. the surrender in giving life to You. the exhilaration after a run. roasting s'mores while camping. remember when's. black and white photos. 

How does the He captivate you?

here today, gone tomorrow.

In the past week, I've traveled over 4,000 miles - all of which were consumed with wonder. A wonder of what life looks like without my number one fan, a wonder of why death isn't so heart wrenching, a wonder of how hope is evident in such pain. The sudden passing of a loved one is a strange thing; as much as it happens, I'm still surprised, and astonished. I find myself trying to understand how, why, what. I had 2,000 miles to process, to weep, to rejoice and to look forward. I kept thinking a part of me would eventually die over the week because so much of me was formed by her, so many of my thoughts were confirmed in her and so many of my prayers were for her but it didn't. What happened was that an even bigger part of me came alive because of her. Devastation can cause us to dwindle in self pity and longing. Or. Devastation can bring revelation and realization. I chose to realize;

Realize the celebration of life. Realize that death has lost it's sting. Realize I will sing with her again.

I write this smiling. God has taken the most horrendous thing in my life thus far and turned it absolutely into a radiant glow; it's amazing. There's peace instead of hysteria, there's warmth of comfort instead a shiver of the unknown, there's fellowship instead of heart ache. I mean, really, it's amazing. The way God orchestrates details in life is beautiful, is delicate, is with our best interest at heart; I'm honored, humbled, encouraged.
Honestly, I'm just thankful. My cheeks burst with gratitude because my timing is not His. All of me wishes for her to be at my wedding, and to see New York with me, and to hold my child but she won't. And that's okay. She's walking without pain, she's dancing without shame, she's totally and completely full.
That swells me with joy. with hope. with thanksgiving.

Thanks, God that you have a perfect plan. That you hold and cradle when we can't even stand. That you rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn because You are a loving God, a living God, a caring God. May those who only know religion, see Your perfect relationship; may those who ache have hope; may those who only comprehend the temporal, trust in the eternal.
I love you, keep my grandma smiling until I get there.

breath of fresh air.

"Eternity for you begins now. His perfection reigns in His kingdom, and His kingdom reigns in you. You carry life - life to the full. You're not waiting for the end of life as you think you know it for the wholeness you think you can only anticipate.

It is yours, now."

thanks, jesus.

intimacy.

Satan means accuser, and even when we're before the throne of God, he's accusing. Right when we say God, I give you my all; he stands beside us and says, 'Really? You're going to give your life to something you can't see? Really?'

In Revelation 12, it talks about the war that we as humans are born into. How the dragon (Satan) was thrown down and there was no place for him in heaven. That means there was a place for him before he chose to go against God. Before time as we knew it began, there was God and all His angels and Satan was his right hand man. There's an account in Ezekiel 28:11-16 that describes him; he had an anointing on his creation, he was perfect in model and full of wisdom. Because of God's absolute love, there was even a choice in heaven, and Satan was convinced with all that God had adorned him with, he could have all the power. In Revelation 12, it states that he lost and he was made the deceiver of this world.

How's he doing?

God loves because He is jealous for us. Satan deceives because he's jealous of us; he once had that intimacy with God and no longer does, it's a battle for relationship.

Who's winning in your life?

We watched a video (below) and I literally collapsed to my face. This man decided to give more than thirty minutes to God to wait and see what He said; he decided to just wait until, until anything. He was in his basement alone with his guitar recording song after song, just praising our King. In this video, a choir of angels are singing with him. Our speaker said, 'Just let Him speak to you.'

The Living God said this to me: 

My dearly Beloved, I take you from this day forward, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for better or worse.

He wanted me to know He was winning the battle for relationship, and that He wanted and wants the most intimate there is. 

He is my Lover and I his Beloved.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8Xh5-1nBtc

Watch it, and then worship.

Psalm 100:4-5 says we enter his courts and gates through thanksgiving and praise.