a month and two days.
i celebrated with a walk, a few books and a bench in a park. i didn't celebrate being back in america, but surviving being back. the american dream is all around me but i just feel like i'm in a dream - an alternate universe, where i'm supposed to belong but don't - looking for an exit but not finding one, like in a dream. lonliness catches up to me most of the days but my imagination takes me to chicago, or better yet, panama or even best, mexico. my room is more of a storage unit than a safe santuary and my friends are more of a comfort than a reality. thankful, though. for ten other people who know yet keep going. for a god who knows yet keeps pushing. for a friend who doesn't have a clue but keeps trying. for a sun that peaks out on my cloudy days, and a couch that snuggles me as i read the living word.
this is my life for now, not forever.
looking forward to that not forever part.
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