spring days.

Today, my brother and I were playing soccer. It was an unseemingly gorgeous day with the sounds you'd expect on that kind of day - birds chirping, kids laughing, bikes belling. We were playing in the side yard of my house, smaller than a soccer field as trees for our goals. It was fun and we were laughing. I took the soccer ball little by little to the left then kicked it to the right and scored. Dakota loves to make long kicks, the ones you have no chance of blocking and so that's the one he used for his first goal of the game. We went back and forth and I made another goal but it went across the street. We have this rule where if another gets a goal, we grab the ball and start the next round. So, I imagined him grabbing the ball and bringing it back in. Then, something changed. His shoulders slumped, his lip got poutty and his head looked only downwards. "I quit!", he said beginning to go torwards the ball.
"You quit?", I asked, "Why?!"
"I'm losing!"
"Kota, you can't just quit when you're losing."
...or when you feel like you are.
I am my little brother. In this season of my life where I feel like I'm losing, I take on slumped shoulders and with my bad attitude I proclaim "I quit!" and start walking away from the game. I wasn't quitting my faith because I still talked to God every day, had faith He would raise me up and tried enjoying each moment. But like that 8-year-old, feeling like I had no chance, I quit. Quit being hopeful. Quit my relationships. Quit trying. Just plain out quit.
I explained to Dakota that if he kept going, it would be worth it. So, he decided to stay.
The score was 2-1, my lead.
Then, it was 2-2.
And, 2-3.
Then, 2-4.
I promise you I was trying but like I said, he likes those long ones I can never seem to get. Again, though, I saw something change. As he was trying with all his heart and making it, he became more passionate about making the next one and the next one. He was focused and excited, he was trying and winning. Then, God whispered to me, "Emily, you can't just quit when you're losing...or feel like you are. You may not understand this season, but that's okay. I'm your hope; I am who I am and I will not fail you."
I laughed at myself (seriously, the best medicine) and whispered, "Thanks."
He further explained to the depths of my heart that if I kept going, it would be worth it.
So, I decided to keep going. To keep trusting. To keep seeking because those who seek, find. Then, something changed. I was focused and excited, I was passionate and knew I was winning and always would be with Christ as my all in all. With Christ as my strength and hope, with Him as my joy and praise. He's disciplining me, He's teaching me and He's loving me.
Between me (and my awesome God) and life, the score is 1-0, my lead.